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Whose Desires Are You Wired For? 
I never write like this.  I always take pen and pad in hand and just let it rip.  Then I generally keep it in whatever notebook it’s been written in and that’s as far as it goes.  So this is meant to be a different experience right from jump.  I’m doing an experiment.  Typing from my heart, with my eyes closed, letting it go.  Letting go.  

Surrender.  “How?” I keep asking.  I bristle at surrender.  Instinctively, it seems like giving up.  Giving in.  Quitting.  Walking away.  I don’t just bristle, I feel my feet dig in deeper beneath me.  I feel my hands and teeth clench.  Like I’m bracing.  And that’s when I realize.  I AM bracing.  Not against the surrender.  But against what I’m wanting in that moment.  Against what I’m afraid is inevitable:  I won’t get it.  I won’t do it.  I won’t create it.  It won’t happen.  Then the WANTING loses its luster and something in the fear-family, like disappointment enters the picture and sucks all the air out.  It’s a Pavlovian response and once again, I’m in resistance to what I want.  (Remember the dog, the bell and the drool?).  I’m wanting, fearing and repelling simultaneously. 

It happens so quickly I often don’t catch it til hindsight.  It’s a reaction that I’ve experienced my whole life.  What I didn’t know until a few years ago is that it’s more than an emotional reaction.  It’s an emotional reaction that triggers a PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSE.  
There’s a limiting belief (actually, tons of limiting beliefs!) in there and they’re so hard-wired, it’s completely automatic, happening beneath my consciousness (and yours too!). 

So it’s super sneaky, and incredibly self-sabotaging.  Do you know the feeling I’m talking about?  When you’ve just had an idea, something amazingly wonderful has just popped into your awareness generating instant excitement.  You wrap yourself in it and keep unspooling the thread until, all of a sudden something has just crept in and soured it all.  Some sneaky, nasty, little half-thought pops in and steals my inspired, joy-filled ideas, dreams and visions, corrupting them like a virus that rapidly infects my whole system.  Before you know it, your belly gets all tight and tense, your mind is racing.  Hijacked. 

I’m a big wanter.  When I want something, I want it BAD.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a warm brownie sundae or equality for women.  It’s all-consuming. I don’t just want the little things for me and mine, I want the big things.  I want to be part of the change that so many of us seek.  A more compassionate, loving world that isn’t so divided and hostile.  I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.  I’m not the only one who holds a vision of what it could be.  I want to contribute my considerable gifts and talents to this world in a way I have as yet been unable to do.  I know there are a lot of us who feel this way.  Feeling so strongly about all of this is what creates the enormous pressure to take action and the feelings that I’m failing.  

Before the Pandemic I was out and about launching my vision to some degree.  I’ve been intermittently launching it since it first sprung up in my imagination in 2016.  It has been a labor of love and disappointment, desire and fear.  It’s given me life in a way nothing else ever has and it’s sucked the life out of me in a way that nothing else ever has (a little bit like motherhood that way).  It’s so big, bold and beautiful that it’s equally inspiring and devastating.  I want it and I WANT IT NOW.  And I can FEEL how much other women want it too.  I can hear you, see you and FEEL you wanting it too and it makes me feel like such a total failure to be huddled under a blanky on my couch listening to my dog snore contentedly next to me while the country is at war with itself, COVID and the battle for women’s rights rages outside my door.  And sometimes in my door as well – b/c like many of you, hubby and I are NOT on the same page.  

The last few months have been crazy for the whole world.  It’s been through all this craziness that I finally saw the biggest obstacle to my happiness and satisfaction – and it’s not at all what I thought it was!  I have been SUPREMELY CLEAR on what I want as it relates to my big, bold, beautiful vision, BUT I have been hijacked relentlessly by my conditioning to put my own wants and needs last on the list!  My hard-wiring, consistently has me making IN-THE-MOMENT choices favoring the needs of my husband, my son, my Dad, my brother, etc.  I was wired for everyone else’s desires but my own!  So this Pandemic gave me the chance of a lifetime to rewire myself for my own desires!  I’ve been re-training my own brain to recognize when I’m allowing my fears and my conditioning to take me off my path.  I’m also speaking up when I’m being hijacked by my guys, who usually don’t even know they’re doing it!   

The biggest, most powerful antidote is what I’m doing right now.  I’m giving myself LOVE.  Giving myself credit for all the big and little things that I have been doing towards my vision.  Most importantly I’m recognizing, IN-THE-MOMENT when I’m feeling any kind of BAD about what I’m doing or not doing. I stop and remember how much BE-ing I’m engaging in.  Marianne Williamson says it so beautifully, “The highest level of creativity consists in being, not doing.  When the being is intense enough, when the thoughts are thought enough, the doing will automatically follow.”   BE-ing has helped me to rediscover under all this conditioning, programming and hard-wiring WHO I AM and how I want to express that in the world.  I had to reclaim my right to be who I was born to BE.  I had to first deeply engage in that process.  Now I’m fine-tuning and engaging in it multiple times daily.  It’s in that act of loving realization that I allowed myself to DO the DO of sharing this with you.  I can FEEL the difference, especially in moments like these when I’ve transformed, in the space of writing this, from feeling like a failure to feeling like the Rock Star I am!  Oooh baby! That feels soooooo much better. 

Casey Kerr, Founder of Wing Women Nation

We’re all seeing what’s happening right now, we’ve seen rights being trampled, values being ignored, pain and suffering being poo-pooed.  We’re seeing violence against women, children, people of color, people with no representation.  We’re seeing it in our friends, people we know and all over the news.  
We’re at a tipping point where the Divine Feminine approach to life is what is being called for and if you’re still listening, you know you’re being called.  
The systems and institutions that have kept women from being able to be our Best Selves, live our Best Lives and have created and enforced the policies and rules that have kept this from being our Best World are all showing their cracks.  The emergence of the Divine Feminine, the Me Too Movement, light being shone on systemic sexual harassment and discrimination and the general AWAKENING of women all over the world are telling us IT’S TIME.  
It’s time for us to step up and take our seats at the table.  It’s time to pull up a chair and bring our sisters with us.  It’s time to take a stand for what we deserve and what’s best for us, our people, and the world as a whole.  
It’s time for compassion, love, and collaboration to replace domination, fear, and competition  and for possibility-thinking vs the status quo as a way of life and living.  We are at the dawn of a brand new age where there has never been so much light shone on such darkness and so much opportunity and so much need for a better way.  
Women are running around trying to DO all things for all people.  Busy, busy, busy, burning out, wanting time for Self and not knowing how to claim it.  Experiencing guilt for wanting it and needing it when there’s so much DOING that needs to be done.  Making the choice to DO it all rather than experience the guilt of NOT DOING it.  
There are many prices for this but the biggest is not pursuing our own desires.  Desires born deep and inspired by something bigger than us.  Desires that burn like a fire and are truly inspired.  Desires that spread like fire wiring igniting so many possibilities, showing us so many opportunities in real life and always coming right up against our obligations.  We’re asked to spend our precious resources: time, money, energy, love and belief on everyone else with little left to spare for ourselves.  And it’s not just us who suffers for that.  
Why?  We cannot bear the guilt of letting anyone down.  We don’t feel like we can justify the investment in our desires b/c we see them as an investment in ourselves that we don’t feel worthy of.
So many sparks are sparking offering us so many opportunities to jump in with any level of investment we can justify of our time, money, energy, love and belief but deciding which spark to choose brings up fears of making a bad choice, making mistakes, or failing so we spend the resources trying to get clear and make a decision.  We want to feel the certainty, the knowing that will allow us to justify the investment and give us the permission and confidence we need to move forward.
And when we fail to choose, the opportunity and the moment passes us by leaving us with the guilt, frustration, resentment and remorse so many of us are carrying around.  
We feel called by something bigger than us to DO SOMETHING about the state of things for women, children, people of color, people who are underserved and under represented; whose human rights are being denied, exploited, ignored.  In many cases people whose very right to those human rights is being argued.  We’re seeing it, feeling it, experiencing it and being moved by it.  Moved maybe like we never have before or maybe moved enough to want to DO something we weren’t willing or even able to before.  
There has never been a time like there is right now.  There has never been a need like there is right now.  There has never been the opportunity to have such an impact in so many different ways as there is right now.  
Women are being called to stand up for ourselves and others in every walk of life; in every home, community, classroom, business, boardroom, industry and country.  If we want that change, we have to BE that change.  We have to do it together.We have to support each other.We have to start with ourselves.  In our own homes, in our own lives, communities, and businesses.We have to make the time, space, energy, love, money and belief.  We have to make ourselves a priority so we can BE the change and answer the call.
We have to want it for ourselves the way we want it for our sisters, daughters, neighbors and friends.  We have to want it as much for ourselves as we want it for the women who are being abused, harassed, punished, imprisoned, bullied, threatened, beaten, enslaved, dominated and denied.  We have to realize we must speak as much for ourselves as we do for them.  We have to believe it can be done.  We have to become the women who can do it.  Because we are.
We’ve been buried under the beliefs that tell us we’re not worthy, we’re not strong, we don’t know, we can’t have or be or do what we’re compelled to have or be or do.  Buried under false narratives created by others and perpetuated by our own minds.  
It’s time to free ourselves, to wake up, stand up and step forward.  It’s time to find our voices, make our claim, take our stand and spread our wings.  It’s time to free our minds so we can free ourselves.  It’s time to share our gifts to free our brothers and sisters.  
It’s time to jump in with whatever you’ve got to given make the difference only you can make.  I say “you” instead of we because I’m speaking to each one of us individually and to all of us collectively.  It has to start with each one of us rolling up our sleeves, making and taking the time to do whatever we must to become the women we’ve always wanted to be.  The women the world is calling for right now, begging for.  
It’s an inside job and the most important work we’ll ever do.  It’s what’s required to be the best mothers, sisters, friends, daughters, neighbors, citizens and leaders we need to be.  It’s the only way to be our Best Self, Live our Best Life and create our Best World.
It starts with us on the inside.  It ripples out exponentially, impacting our families, communities, clients, and world, further and further through the speed of light and sound until there’s no place it hasn’t touched.  That’s the power pulsing within each one of us.  That’s the power pulsing in all of us together waiting for us to claim it, channel it and share it.  
That’s what it’s going to take to transform all the systemic and institutionalized wrongs we see.  That’s what’s waking us up and won’t go silent.  It’s what’s CAUSING the frustration, anxiety and guilt that has us chasing our own tails.  And it’s the solution for it.  
Why does the world need women to step up right now?

• Women see the whole picture.  
• We see and know intuitively, instinctively and from our real life experiences what everyone around us needs.  
• We see solutions that don’t have collateral damage.  Don’t settle for taking care of the majority and letting the minority take care of themselves.  We look for the Win-Win-Win scenarios because we believe in them.

What do we need to get this moving?

• Understanding what’s holding us back individually and collectively and how we can transform it.
• Belief in ourselves, not just in theory, but IN THE MOMENTS when we need it most.  When the opportunities arise to speak our truth (especially when it goes against the grain in the room), put our hat in the ring (especially if we don’t feel like we’re “READY”, don’t have enough experience, resources, time, information, money, value, confidence YET), stand up for what we believe and what we want (especially if we don’t feel we have permission and it will ruffle some feathers).
• Community that makes us feel heard, understood, supported, cheered, VALUED and unconditionally loved.